My Top 5 Reasons Ashlee is The Sh*t

I felt the need this morning to post another family blog. I've decided to make this one about my Cousin Ashlee.

I remember the day Ashlee was brought home from the hospital. I was four or five at the time...I can't remember which, but I do remember a little tiny baby snuggled up in blankets and laying in a wooden bassinet with her name on it. As time went on, Ashlee became one of my little family playmates. She was one of the original two that started calling me "Apie" as a matter of fact.

I used to go over to her Grandparents' house and we would play with her dolls or under the trees for hours and hours. We used to make some splendid mud pies together and I'm fairly certain I talked her into eating a few of them before the day was out. We also used to fight over who got to pick the Willow tree as her clubhouse and who had to stick with the pine tree. Little twirp always got the Willow tree. I'm still holding a grudge over that one.

Years have come and gone since then and for awhile Ashlee lived "a fur piece" (as we say back home) from me and I didn't get to see her that much, but she soon moved back down to Nunn Road where she belonged all along. Still...by that time I was off doing teenager things and then adult things and she was still working her way through the public school system back home. Its not that we weren't close, its that we were too busy with our own lives to spend a lot of time with each other. That changed when we became adults.

In case some of you aren't aware, I am fiercly protective over my family. I can pick on them, poke fun at them, and even gripe about them all that I want, but woe unto the other person that tries to do the same. Its just not happening. And Ashlee is one of those people I am extra protective over. I always have been, even as a kid.

Anyway, Ashlee decided to have me a Godchild not too long ago. I realize she may have had other motives influencing her decision to have a baby, but I refuse to believe it was for any other reason than to have ME a Godchild. I'm terribly tickled with this wee one. Especially now that she is getting big enough to have a little personality on her. And although she looks an awful lot like her Daddy, she has the personality of Ashlee.

Anyway, I have come to the conclusion that Ashlee is "The Sh*t" and if you don't believe me, then here is my top five reasons for this belief. There are lots more, don't get me wrong, but I wanted to limit it to five.

1. She Knows How to Handle Relationships:
     ~ This past weekend, Ashlee went to Tennessee with her Mom, her Cousin, her Grandma, and my Godchild. Ash left her husband at home. No, they aren't having marital trouble, Daniel (duh-hubby) was invited to attend, but he chose to stay behind. Too much estrogen on one trip perhaps? I don't know. Anyway, Daniel stayed at home. On his long weekend from his wife, his job consisted of cleaning the house. Which he did and did a dang fine job of it too. Even shampooed the carpet. Last night Daniel texted me and asked me if  I would bring him some food when I took my lunch from work. He informed me that he had been cleaning for three days straight, was tired, and when he reach into his pocket to get some dough to buy some food with, all he found was, "Half a pack of cigarettes and fifty cents." So I took him some food from Fazoli's. Later I found out that Daniel had access to the checkings account, so I can only assume he was just being lazy...errr...I mean, so very tired from all that cleaning. Anyway, I think Ashlee knows her stuff on relationships, I mean, she goes on vacation for a few days and leaves the man at home doing all the cleaning and doesn't even teach him out to use the checkings account so he can't spend all her money. Talk about a creative way to get his appreciation! ;-)

2. She Has My Back:
     ~ There are many ways I could list that showcase how she has my back, but here is one that kinda ties into number one on my list. Ashlee is protective of her kinfolk as well, especially her Apie. Back when I was having some difficulty (okay, a LOT of friggin' difficulty) with a former flame, Ashlee was there to show her support for me. She didn't blow smoke up my butt though. Oh no, not Ash. She was just blunt and honest about it all. When I would come to her house and spend long, hard nights crying and crying in her bed and asking, "Why can't he just be good to me? Why does he treat me like that and talk to me like that?", Ashlee would matter-of-factly point out, "Because he is a piece of sh*t." No ifs, ands, or buts about it. She calls 'em like she sees 'em. When I was finally free from that situation Ashlee informed me that she was tremendously happy to see that over with, because she had "hated him with a bloody passion" ever since my birthday...not that she liked him much before anyway. Friends are supportive in all kinds of ways. Some are there for you to cry on their shoulder, some are there to build your confidence or tell you everything will be okay, and then there are those like Ashlee, who will look you straight in the eye and say, "Screw him. He's a dumbass and you can do better. What did you ever see in him anyway?"

3. She Is A Good Mommy:
     ~ She is the best Mommy my Godbaby could hope for. You never see Bella anywhere but right in Ashlee's arms when they are together. In fact, this is so much the case that I was a little bit concerned that Bella would ever learn to sit up on her own because Ashlee never put her down. Gladly though, Bella is coming along just fine. It makes me glad that Ashlee decided to have me a Godbaby.

4. She Is The Ultimate Caregiver:
     ~ Ashlee is a nurse, a mommy, and a wife. She takes care of five puppies as well as her own little pup, Bella. She always tries to make everyone feel at home when/if she can. I can go over to her house any time and just help myself to the fridge, fart whenever I want, and pick my nose and she doesn't mind a bit. Now that is hospitality at its finest. But she really shines as a nurse. She always puts her patients first, even when she would really like to just slap their jaws. One night I got a call from her on her way home from work. She was telling me about a particularly difficult gentleman she had taken care of that day and how he had kept her on her toes all day with his demands. She said, "At one point I was thinking of telling him, 'This is a hospital, not a hotel Hilton'." I asked her what she said instead. "Nothing," she replied. "I just did what he asked until my shift was over and I got to pawn him off on some other poor nurse." It takes skill not to tell a butthole to shove it when you really, really want too.

5. She Is A BAMF:
     ~ If'n you don't know what "BAMF" stands for, then I'm not going to tell you here. Use your imagination. Regardless, she is just that. I have never seen her throw punches, but I'm fairly certain she could kick my arse and anyone else's that needed kicking at any given point. So certain am I of this, that I try to avoid getting on her bad side at all costs. I have seen her angry though and let me tell you, it is true what they say about the "quiet ones". You do need to look out for them. Ashlee has the ability (something I am currently trying to learn from her) to cut you in two with a flick of her tongue. She can tell you to go straight to hell and you will be more than happy to do it if it means getting away from her and her sharp words. Our cousin Kayla would be handy in a bar fight (something we want to do together at some point in the future), but Ashlee I'm sure could knock a biker bar patron down with only a stare. She is that bad ass.