The Final Countdown

In two very short years, life on this planet will be drastically altered. Ancient civilizations have predicted the end of the world. Some suspect we will go the way of the dinosaur and get hit by a passing comet. Others think its high time for an alien attack. Me? I'm getting ready for zombies. (C'mon, what else would you expect of me?)

Yep, that's right folks. I've said for years "Its not a matter of IF, but a matter of WHEN" and now we know our date: December 21, 2012. Mark it down and get ready. You have roughly two years to prepare for the impending zombie apocalypse.

Don't think just because I've suspected this for years, that I'm completely ready for the legions of the "undead". (For the record, I don't think they would be really undead. Once you are dead, you stay dead. But I'm shooting for some sort of crazy infection.) No, I have some work to do. I'm saving my hording of supplies (water, food, weaponry, etc.) for next year. I don't have room for it at the moment...besides, I'll be foraging once the infected are all killed off anyway. In the meantime however, here is what I need to do in 2011 in order to prepare. If I've forgotten something, please let me know, if I can stay alive, I will help you stay alive.

1.) GET IN SHAPE.
     True, "round" is a shape, but "round" is not the shape you want to be in while a half dozen zombies are chasing you down for a little snack. No, no, I do NOT want to be round anymore when 2012 rolls around. This is why I have my gym membership. I don't have to look like a body builder, but I by doggies, will no longer be round. The trick is, I have to get slimmer, but not too skinny. I mean, I don't know where I'll be during the winters, I may need some extra padding. I do however need to be healthy enough to get away if I have to run or climb, and skinny enough that I can fit through small windows and other open spaces so I can duck and cover or hide. So 2011 will be my year to hit the gym and build up some muscle and stop being round. Remember what we've learned from "Zombieland", you must have good cardio!
2.) HAND TO HAND COMBAT SKILLS.
    Following right along with number one, I need to learn some good fighting skills. This can be accomplished any number of ways. I already know some handy dandy self defense techniques taught to me by a former cop, but I'm fairly certain zombies aren't going to be trying to kidnap and rape me (Oh horror or horrors, lets hope that is NEVER the case. As if they weren't bad enough already!). I need bad ass fighting skills. I need to learn how to properly be offensive and defensive in my hand to hand combat skills. So, 2011 will also be the year I start taking some sort of classes. Karate or whatever. Doesn't matter as long as I can kick undead booty come 2012.
3.) RUN FORREST, RUN.
     I will start running now as well. I need to build up my endurance, not just my speed. God "blessed" me with short chubby legs and clumsy feet, neither of which will ever make me a track star. However, I need to be able to run long distances at a steady pace...or short distances as fast as I can. Either one works for me. So, I'm going to invest in a good pair of shoes and officially take up running. After all, I don't have to be the fastest runner out there, I just have to be able to outrun YOU.
4.) LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION.
     As with any impending zombie attack fanatic, I have my own theories on how it will all go down. You know...what starts it all? How long it lasts? How does is spread? What "type" of zombies we will be dealing with (yes, there are types folks)? Who stands a better chance of surviving? Who will I feed to the zombies? (Yeah, I'll do it.) So, my current theory goes that it will be an infection. I'm iffy on all the details, but my train of thought runs that the infected folks will be very stupid and animal like in their actions (unfortunately I think they will be able to run fast...bummer), and therefore, they won't take very good care of themselves, which basically means, if you can survive long enough, they'll probably all die out. Now, the thing is, surviving actually has its own list of worries (as anyone that is a "Walking Dead" fan can tell you), but regardless of those, I'm just focusing on the zombies right now. I don't have time to worry about the psychopath down the road that now thinks he can do whatever he wants because there is no law in the land. Anywho...so my theory is, head North...or West. I figure if you go West there is less water and they will die out quicker. If you go North, it will freeze them out (or they'll catch colds and die or something along those lines), especially since the poo isn't going to hit the fan until December anyway. So, what I need to do is figure out where I'm going to go and how long it takes me to get there. I need to plan routes that will keep me away from major cities and clogged up roads. I plan on having a merry band of survivors with me, I don't want to risk them just to get five minutes knocked off the travel time (well, except for those I plan on using as decoys and bait for the infected...).
5.) SURVIVAL OF THE GEEKIEST.
      I need to start working on my survival skills. I love to camp. I'm a decent fisherman. I've never been hunting, but that's due to my own impatience and not so much to any moral aversion to it. So I'm not a girly girl in other words. I can make due on my own if need be. However, in a post-zombie world, there will be new things I will need to do. Like...I don't know...hot wiring a car or some such. I need to know basic survival skills for being out in the woods or in the cities. I also wouldn't mind knowing a  few basic first aid skills that I'm not really familiar with at the moment. So, 2011 will be devoted to furthering my own survival skills. Don't expect me to go all "Lord of the Flies" crazy or anything, I'm just gonna be prepared when you get frost bite after we've been hiding out from the undead walkers for a few months.

Either way, there is my list of things I intend to do in 2011 to prepare for the end of the world in 2012 (or at least the end of the world as we know it...with less people and more meat eaters). In the meantime, enjoy the photos I "borrowed" from the Internet. I hope they will help express the gravity of this situation. :-) Until 2012, remember the immortal words of Max Brooks, "Organize Before They Rise!"